Multiplayer Gaming and Me

Posted: August 13, 2010 in Humor, Video Games

I’m starting to think there may be something wrong with me. See, I play video games as an escape from real-life. Most days, I get up and go to work with nine guys. I spend all day going back and forth to and from calls for service. When I fire up the PC or PS3, i just want to unplug. Is that so wrong?

I’m starting to feel like I must be the only person in the world that feels this way. It seems like every new blockbuster video game is all about the multiplayer. The games are either all about deathmatch, or capture the flag. If it’s not that, it’s an mmorpg. Maybe I’ve become the old man in the rocking chair screaming, “You crazy kids, get off my lawn!”

It’s gotten so bad, I have actually considered playing an mmorpg. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still don’t want teenagers on my lawn, but The Old Republic seems too good to pass up. Who doesn’t want to revisit The Old Republic in the aftermath of the Jedi Civil War?

If I am not being alienated by the ads, it’s the forums. I don’t spend a lot of time discussing things on game forums because I don’t like people, but there is usually good information to be found on the forums. That is if you can get past all the “X game is not a part of Y genre,” “how can you possibly like that game, Noob!” and “This game was great, but it needs a multiplayer function!” It seems like every game that I have enjoyed as a solely single-player game, Fallout 3, Dragon Age:Origins, and Mass Effect 2, is chastised for not having multiplayer.

I’m sick of multiplayer. Am I the only gamer geek that meets enough people in real life that I don’t have to socialize online. Between Facebook, Twitter, and all the multiplayer games, I can’t get away from people. As of now, there are still enough games without social components that I can still escape people. It just seems like before long I won’t be able to play a game, or turn on a computer without having to weave my through avatars like I’m moving accross a crowded barroom to get a drink. Well, I gotta go grab my shotgun. I think I just heard some kooky teenagers trampling my grass.

Continued

What was I to do? Like any legendary hero from your favorite video, I persevered. I continued on my quest to find a game to keep me entertained. I pushed on through the boggy marsh of despair. I climbed the foreboding mountain of crappy shooters with pretty graphics. Did you know it’s nigh impossible to find an RPG that’s more than running around, and pushing a button these days? I pushed forth with my impossible mission until, at long last, I found what I sought: DeathSpank!

Yes, I know. DeathSpank is a whack-a-mole RPG, but it’s more than that. It’s a perfect game to waste time with when you’ve got nothing else to do. Or when you have other things to do, but you really don’t feel like doing them.

While it is true, in DeathSpank, you pretty much run around, and push a button, but this game is entertaining for other reasons. It’s a humorous, light-hearted, experience that pokes fun of video games and itself. The sweet weapons, like the demon poop hammer, keep you playing just to see what the next weapon will be. The dialogue is funny with some well placed pop culture references. Everything a geek could want. While the graphics aren’t super high speed, they are certainly perfect for the game. They give the game a whimsical feel, and are a perfect compliment to the humorous storyline.

DeathSpank won’t redefine the industry or the genre. It will keep you entertained for several hours, and is worth the money.

Don’t Buy Games Out of Boredom

So there I am in front of my computer. My wife out of town for the week, and I have no new, super-awesome games to play while she is gone. I fired up Steam, and began to browse. I like Role Playing Games, RPGs. I wasn’t looking to find the next blockbuster, I just wanted something to kill the time while my wife is away. So I spent the nine bucks on this new game, Dimensity by Dagger Games. I know the name is stupid, but I was bored and figured, what the hell. Don’t waste your money. Since the game is small time, you won’t find much info on it.

Dimensity is basically every other Whack-a-Mole RPG you’ve ever played, but with some elements of real time strategy (games like Command and Conquer) mixed in. Yeah, you get to build buildings, and create troops to assist your main character. Oh you know how I said it was like every other Whack-a-Mole RPG, well, not entirely, the story was one of the worst, and the voice acting is atrocious. The game almost appears as if the developers sat around and brainstormed wondering, “what is it that gamers hate about the Whack-a-Mole RPG? They’re not deep enough, right? To make our game deeper, we will eschew rich character development, and plot, and replace them with a half assed RTS interface!” All it did was make gameplay unwieldy and complicated. A note to game designers: Complicated does not equal deep.

Maybe I’m being a bit unfair. Maybe it’s more of a personal taste sort of thing. I don’t really care for RTS games. I’ve tried them, and they are just not my cup ‘o tea. I’m also not a big fan of the whack-a-Mole RPGs. I prefer games that emphasize character development, and story. Maybe that’s true of the majority of gamers. It’s certainly possible that if you, dear reader, enjoy both Whack-a-Mole RPGs and RTS games, then you may enjoy this title. I would venture to guess; however, that if you only like one or the other then you will probably not like this game. It doesn’t seem to do either very well. But, hey, don’t take my word for it.

I played for an hour, then uninstalled it, wishing I could get my money back. C’est la vie, right?

So I continued on my quest…

[To Be Continued]

Maybe I’m going off the conspiracy theory deep-end on this one, but I can’t help but wonder. Think about it: He’s got car companies, banks, lenders, healthcare, and is currently working on the oil industry. If any of you have been completely out of the loop this off-season, there is trouble on the horizon in the NFL. If no new collective bargaining agreement is reached, there could be a work stoppage in 2011. If you’re a member of the Rahm Emmanuelle “Never let a good crisis go to waste” school of thought, what greater opportunity is there to seize control of the NFL than a work stoppage?

If that isn’t enough opportunity for you, consider this: The current head of the NFL Players Union is Demaurice Smith. Smith is a Washington attorney, and surprise surprise, a member of the Obama-Biden transition team. Did you wonder why Rush Limbaugh’s bid to be a minority partner with no controlling interest in the ownership of the St. Louis Rams was shot down? My guess is you have to look no further than Demaurice Smith. Of course Roger Goodell, the good plantation owner that he is, wouldn’t dare admit to that.

What about motive, you ask? Karl Marx famously said that religion is the opiate of the masses. That may have been true at one time, and may still be true in some countries. In this day and age in the good ole US of A the opiate of the masses is sports. I’m as guilty as anyone. Who wants to listen to the statists in Washington talking about the next public orifice they’re gonna fill with some pork-laden phallic legislation when Sam Bradford hasn’t been signed yet? I’d much rather hear about Steven Strasburg striking 14 hitters in five innings than the foregone conclusion that is the Cap and Trade bill.

The pieces are all in place. You have a looming catastrophe, a sleeper agent in a position of influence, a media that will not question the current regime, and a president that has shown time and again that he wants more control of privately owned business. Government control of the most popular professional sports league in the country could prove a powerful tool in the battle for the hearts and minds of the average American. With Barack Obama’s policies being soundly rejected by the American people, he needs another bullet in his P.R. gun.

The new Computer Has Arrived

Posted: June 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

New computer is here. Will have substantive post soon!

I’m Still Here

Posted: June 27, 2010 in Uncategorized

In case anyone has been reading the blog, and wondering where I am, I am still here. after a weeklong vacation at Orange Beach, Al, I came home, and my computer promptly crashed. Never fear, a new computer is on the way. It should be here soon. I am typing this with my phone. As I am the only living soul left on this planet without an iPhone, this is extremely tedious. regardless, if you have been reading, don’t give up on me. I shall return soon. I have a couple of posts planned. one will be my documentary on the Gulf oil spill, and my first attempt at a video game review. Keep your jackboots on, I’ll see you soon.

I’ll be on vacation for a week. I’ll be back, and I am working on a new shtick. See y’all next week.

According to the New York Slimes, the Obama regime doesn’t like the fact that Israel is defending itself. I’m not sure where to start on this steaming pile o’ whale pooh. I guess I should just get a scuba tank and a shovel and get to work.

The Obama administration considers Israel’s blockade of Gaza to be untenable and plans to press for another approach to ensure Israel’s security while allowing more supplies into the impoverished Palestinian area, senior American officials said Wednesday.

The blockade is untenable for whom? It appears Israel is quite capable of defending the blockade. Is it untenable for the Obama regime? God forbid Mr. Obama be inconvenienced by such trivial matters as an ally trying to stop the influx of weapons to a terrorist organization. We’ll need to put a stop to this right away. We can’t have rocketfiring savages short on rockets to fire at cafes and grade schools.

As to the “more supplies” line, I saw this at Hot Air earlier. In the post there is a link to a story from the Financial Times about the “supplies” situation in Gaza:

Hundreds of tunnels have shut down over the past year as a result of greater Egyptian efforts to stop the flow of goods – and weapons – into the strip. But the remaining tunnels, about 200 to 300 according to most estimates, have become so efficient that shops all over Gaza are bursting with goods.

Those poor, starving Palestinians. My heart weeps.

It seems neither Hamas, nor President Obama will be satisfied until Israel is destroyed. I guess having all those joooos in one place is just bad form.

Sign on the dotted line

…And by Piper I mean the news media who have done everything they can make sure liberals get elected.

H/T Michelle Malkin

So, we all know the dinosaur media, especially newspapers, are suffering financially. We all know that most main stream news sources lean so far to the left they’re about to fall over. It appears the elected liberals are getting ready to pay the news media back for their undying support.

I guess they figure the unholy alliance between news outlets and liberal politicians are largely responsible for the financial straits the dinosaur media are now navigating. Now the liberal politicians are goin’ down there and settin’ things a-right.

The Federal Trade Commission released a discussion paper in which they kick around ideas for saving the dinosaur media from extinction. They discussed monkeying with copyright laws, and fair use doctrine among other topics. But those aren’t the ones that frighten me. It would be these two in particular:

Representative Waxman noted at the FTC’s December 2, 2009 workshop that an“examination of the antitrust laws and whether changes there might be of assistance”had been raised as a possible response to the current difficulties facing the press and journalism.

SNIP

This section first reviews the history of government subsidies and then presents proposals that have emerged to date to provide additional government funds to sustain journalism.

I don’t know about you, but increased government funding (read=government control) and allowing “news organizations” (at least the way I read it) the ability to engage in collusion and price fixing seems yabba-dabba-dubious to me.

To be fair, these are just ideas that the FTC is discussing. Still, it seems our government is preparing to offer the news media Faust’s deal.

There is an upshot to this though. How awesome would it be to see Katy Couric’s head spin around while she vomits pea soup on the news?

Show of hands, who wants some education in taser use? You don’t want education in taser use? Too bad, you’re about to get some.

While skimming through the taser news, I always come upon stories about “controversial” taser stuff. Most of it arises from ignorance about tasers, and when exactly they are supposed to be used. Here is a crash course:

TASERS DO NOT REPLACE DEADLY FORCE!!!!!!!!

That is all.