Archive for July, 2010


What was I to do? Like any legendary hero from your favorite video, I persevered. I continued on my quest to find a game to keep me entertained. I pushed on through the boggy marsh of despair. I climbed the foreboding mountain of crappy shooters with pretty graphics. Did you know it’s nigh impossible to find an RPG that’s more than running around, and pushing a button these days? I pushed forth with my impossible mission until, at long last, I found what I sought: DeathSpank!

Yes, I know. DeathSpank is a whack-a-mole RPG, but it’s more than that. It’s a perfect game to waste time with when you’ve got nothing else to do. Or when you have other things to do, but you really don’t feel like doing them.

While it is true, in DeathSpank, you pretty much run around, and push a button, but this game is entertaining for other reasons. It’s a humorous, light-hearted, experience that pokes fun of video games and itself. The sweet weapons, like the demon poop hammer, keep you playing just to see what the next weapon will be. The dialogue is funny with some well placed pop culture references. Everything a geek could want. While the graphics aren’t super high speed, they are certainly perfect for the game. They give the game a whimsical feel, and are a perfect compliment to the humorous storyline.

DeathSpank won’t redefine the industry or the genre. It will keep you entertained for several hours, and is worth the money.


Don’t Buy Games Out of Boredom

So there I am in front of my computer. My wife out of town for the week, and I have no new, super-awesome games to play while she is gone. I fired up Steam, and began to browse. I like Role Playing Games, RPGs. I wasn’t looking to find the next blockbuster, I just wanted something to kill the time while my wife is away. So I spent the nine bucks on this new game, Dimensity by Dagger Games. I know the name is stupid, but I was bored and figured, what the hell. Don’t waste your money. Since the game is small time, you won’t find much info on it.

Dimensity is basically every other Whack-a-Mole RPG you’ve ever played, but with some elements of real time strategy (games like Command and Conquer) mixed in. Yeah, you get to build buildings, and create troops to assist your main character. Oh you know how I said it was like every other Whack-a-Mole RPG, well, not entirely, the story was one of the worst, and the voice acting is atrocious. The game almost appears as if the developers sat around and brainstormed wondering, “what is it that gamers hate about the Whack-a-Mole RPG? They’re not deep enough, right? To make our game deeper, we will eschew rich character development, and plot, and replace them with a half assed RTS interface!” All it did was make gameplay unwieldy and complicated. A note to game designers: Complicated does not equal deep.

Maybe I’m being a bit unfair. Maybe it’s more of a personal taste sort of thing. I don’t really care for RTS games. I’ve tried them, and they are just not my cup ‘o tea. I’m also not a big fan of the whack-a-Mole RPGs. I prefer games that emphasize character development, and story. Maybe that’s true of the majority of gamers. It’s certainly possible that if you, dear reader, enjoy both Whack-a-Mole RPGs and RTS games, then you may enjoy this title. I would venture to guess; however, that if you only like one or the other then you will probably not like this game. It doesn’t seem to do either very well. But, hey, don’t take my word for it.

I played for an hour, then uninstalled it, wishing I could get my money back. C’est la vie, right?

So I continued on my quest…

[To Be Continued]

Maybe I’m going off the conspiracy theory deep-end on this one, but I can’t help but wonder. Think about it: He’s got car companies, banks, lenders, healthcare, and is currently working on the oil industry. If any of you have been completely out of the loop this off-season, there is trouble on the horizon in the NFL. If no new collective bargaining agreement is reached, there could be a work stoppage in 2011. If you’re a member of the Rahm Emmanuelle “Never let a good crisis go to waste” school of thought, what greater opportunity is there to seize control of the NFL than a work stoppage?

If that isn’t enough opportunity for you, consider this: The current head of the NFL Players Union is Demaurice Smith. Smith is a Washington attorney, and surprise surprise, a member of the Obama-Biden transition team. Did you wonder why Rush Limbaugh’s bid to be a minority partner with no controlling interest in the ownership of the St. Louis Rams was shot down? My guess is you have to look no further than Demaurice Smith. Of course Roger Goodell, the good plantation owner that he is, wouldn’t dare admit to that.

What about motive, you ask? Karl Marx famously said that religion is the opiate of the masses. That may have been true at one time, and may still be true in some countries. In this day and age in the good ole US of A the opiate of the masses is sports. I’m as guilty as anyone. Who wants to listen to the statists in Washington talking about the next public orifice they’re gonna fill with some pork-laden phallic legislation when Sam Bradford hasn’t been signed yet? I’d much rather hear about Steven Strasburg striking 14 hitters in five innings than the foregone conclusion that is the Cap and Trade bill.

The pieces are all in place. You have a looming catastrophe, a sleeper agent in a position of influence, a media that will not question the current regime, and a president that has shown time and again that he wants more control of privately owned business. Government control of the most popular professional sports league in the country could prove a powerful tool in the battle for the hearts and minds of the average American. With Barack Obama’s policies being soundly rejected by the American people, he needs another bullet in his P.R. gun.