Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Multiplayer Gaming and Me

Posted: August 13, 2010 in Humor, Video Games

I’m starting to think there may be something wrong with me. See, I play video games as an escape from real-life. Most days, I get up and go to work with nine guys. I spend all day going back and forth to and from calls for service. When I fire up the PC or PS3, i just want to unplug. Is that so wrong?

I’m starting to feel like I must be the only person in the world that feels this way. It seems like every new blockbuster video game is all about the multiplayer. The games are either all about deathmatch, or capture the flag. If it’s not that, it’s an mmorpg. Maybe I’ve become the old man in the rocking chair screaming, “You crazy kids, get off my lawn!”

It’s gotten so bad, I have actually considered playing an mmorpg. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still don’t want teenagers on my lawn, but The Old Republic seems too good to pass up. Who doesn’t want to revisit The Old Republic in the aftermath of the Jedi Civil War?

If I am not being alienated by the ads, it’s the forums. I don’t spend a lot of time discussing things on game forums because I don’t like people, but there is usually good information to be found on the forums. That is if you can get past all the “X game is not a part of Y genre,” “how can you possibly like that game, Noob!” and “This game was great, but it needs a multiplayer function!” It seems like every game that I have enjoyed as a solely single-player game, Fallout 3, Dragon Age:Origins, and Mass Effect 2, is chastised for not having multiplayer.

I’m sick of multiplayer. Am I the only gamer geek that meets enough people in real life that I don’t have to socialize online. Between Facebook, Twitter, and all the multiplayer games, I can’t get away from people. As of now, there are still enough games without social components that I can still escape people. It just seems like before long I won’t be able to play a game, or turn on a computer without having to weave my through avatars like I’m moving accross a crowded barroom to get a drink. Well, I gotta go grab my shotgun. I think I just heard some kooky teenagers trampling my grass.


Well, nine police chiefs hate the law. Curiously, none of the police chiefs quoted by the BBC are from Arizona.

I love the quotes from these nimrods. First, Los Angeles Police Chief:

He said checking people’s immigration status would break down the trust police forces had been building with communities for decades.

Ummm, so the police in LA have been building up the trust of criminals? I would be all for it if the build up of trust culminated in a sting operation where the LAPD called all their illegal immigrants into the Staples Center under the pretense of obtaining leopard print seat covers, and SURPRISE, the police arrest them all when they show up. That would be awesome. Somehow, I don’t think that’s what he meant.

Now, Salt Lake City weighs in:

Salt Lake City Police Chief Chris Burbank said he felt the law would “divert our resources away from things we’re supposed to be doing – that is, fighting crime and providing safety of local communities”.

Two points. One, the Arizona Law does not apply in Salt Lake City. Two, wouldn’t deporting ILLEGAL immigrants fall under that whole “fighting crime and providing safety of local communities” thingy?

Well, I’m not sure how many police chiefs there are in the United States, but I’m sure nine police chiefs represent some overwhelming majority, right? Way to go BBC!

So, I am perusing You Tube after being directed there by some website or other when I notice a banner at the top of the page:

See the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill Here and submit your ideas on how to stop it

My very first thought was:

Holy crap, have you read the comments sections on some of these videos?

Seriously, who in their right mind would want one of those morons from the comments section on You Tube to talk to them at all, much less fix a major ecological catastrophe?

To show you what I mean, I picked a video at random. I didn’t even watch it, so forgive me if it is offensive, but I don’t have the inclination to watch the vapid nothing that people post on teh u tubes. Just check out the comments.

Here is one of my favorites from the video of Senior Wences’ speech condemning the security of United States’ borders. I think this is a classic. These pseudo-intellectual posers are always writing stuff that sounds smart to dumb people, but what is really just them saying dirty words like a seven year old saying “butt”.

Check it out:

The actual problem is – Penis!! -or you want to call it ego/majority/dominance! According to these political bastards such as McClintock, everything should be legislate and designed to keep white men’s penis hard!! All the time! Whether it is politics, business, immigration or any issue and that’s the main problem which is underlying this poorly drafted, misguided law SB-1070!

Way to take a completely idiotic position in a forum that does not lend itself to intelligent debate.

I can see it now, teh u tubes response to the oil spill:

Stick a giant penis in it! Then stick penis’ in the anuses of all the BP execs, and george bushitlerburton!!!11!!!one!!eleven!!!

One of these days our cloaked masters will allow us the freedom we need to delicately place our jackboots on the throats of all hippies everywhere. And when that day comes there will be much wailing and burning of patchouli!

IMAO is all about plugging that damn hole!

From the LA Times

Apparently the House Republicans have unveiled an online megaphone to give Americans a voice in Washington. Much like the final episode of Lost, I’m not sure what I think about it yet.

While I like the idea of Americans having a voice in Washington, I think this online megaphone thingie is a little too subtle. I want a real megaphone.

Better yet, I think Americans should be allowed to walk around Washington with a pointy stick. Much like a livestock show, we could walk around with our elected leaders, and when they get out of line, we poke them with a pointy stick.

Hmmm, no, you could put an eye out with a pointy stick. Can’t have a bunch of blind politicians writing laws. The bills being passed now by politicians with sight are bad enough. No, that just won’t do. I have a better idea! A hotshot!

It would work something like this:

I think we should bail out *BZZZZT* Ahhhh, no more bailouts!

They are just here doing the jobs *BZZZZT* Ahhhhh, they’re criminals!

The Arizona law is raci…*BZZZT* Ahhh, it’s a great idea to enforce laws that are already on the books!

I think I’ll go to the deli for lunch *BZZZZT* Ahhh, what was that for?

It would be great. There would be a real and immediate consequence for ignoring the will of the people. It would also be fun for us. Eventually, the politards would be so well-trained you wouldn’t have to actually use the hotshot. You could just make the *BZZZT* noise, and they would all jump to.

Finally we would have elected leaders subservient to the people who elected them. Now there’s a novel concept.

Apparently, Iran told the United States and the rest of the G-5+1 (What the hell is that, anyway? Is that like the Big 10 having 11 teams? But I digress) that they will do what they want, we’re not their daddy.

Maybe I’m old school, but when the hell did maniacal dictatorships tell us what they were going to do? What happened to the days when countries like Iran cowered in fear before the might of the United States? Barack Obama happened.

Barack Obama has apparently taken the scrotum of the United States of America, and put it in his man-purse carry-all. We have the might to turn everyone in Iran into radioactive vapor, but our leaders lack the will to use it. And our enemies know this.

George Washington would have personally gone to Iran, and punched Mahmoud Ahmademonjob in his fatticus. Hell, W would have at least sent him a strongly worded letter telling him his mouth is writing checks that his ass can’t cash.

Of course, Russia and China are backing, supplying, and profiting from Iran and their banny rooster act. You know there was once a time when the main goal of our military was to be able to whoop Russia and China at the same time. I doubt this has been a goal since Bush Sr. was in office. And once again, even our enemies know it.

The United States is like a p-whipped husband. He has to check his nuts out of storage to act like a man from time to time, but only with his wife’s permission. It’s time we force a yard pass out of Obama so we can drop our nuts on our enemies. That way we can tell Iran how the cow eats the cabbage, and that they can get glad in the same drawers they got mad.

Any Glenn Beck fans out there? I love Glenn when he is being funny, and not taking himself too seriously, or crying. I’m sure I’m late on this, but in response to New York Congressman Anthony Weiner’s investigation into Goldline International, and Glenn Beck’s business practices, Glenn’s people released Weiner Facts. While I am sure it is not written by Glenn himself, the humor is definitely in his style.

Here’s an excerpt:

Weiner knows that ordinary “viewers” can’t be trusted to make their own decisions about what they watch or where they spend their money. Only Weiner can “protect” people from the right to listen to what they want and spend their money where they please.

More Weiner:

“He’s attacking the messenger and not addressing the message,” said Mr. Weiner, who said he had seen the site on Wednesday but hadn’t looked at it since. “I think ultimately Fox News and his radio station and he are going to have to answer the questions about this advertiser and about their role in promoting them.”

“…his radio station”? We’re not sure which of the over 400 stations in Glenn’s network Weiner is talking about here. Surely, it can’t be that he doesn’t understand the business he’s criticizing at all. I mean, he wrote (allowed Weiner Matters to write) the Weiner report! He looked at message boards! He knows the Weiner facts!

Don’t have enough Weiner in your life? Go to to Weiner Facts for more Weiner!

H/T Hot Air!

So, here goes Alan Grayson again. This guy says some of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. I have no idea why the Democrats haven’t killed him, and hid his body. He is an embarrassment to politicians, and since politicians are embarrassments to whale pooh, that’s saying something. Anywho, here’s his latest LSD induced rant:

Allahpundit’s thoughts on the matter can be read on Hot Air.

BTW, is it just me, or does Alan Grayson sound like Mr. Slave from South Park.